Introspection!

This is a deviation from current series of posts. 

My college was almost off for last three days. There were no classes and companies on campus. I was free and alone because my best friends went to a tour and I could not make because of some strange reasons. I was upset since I was terribly missing friends, but fortunately I got the chance to meet my engineering days in Gurgaon. We had a great time but these three days gave some time to think about me and myself. I claim to be a good judge of a person but can I judge the face which I see everyday in front of the mirror. I tried to remember various incident in my life and especially some recent events which helped me to understand me better. Here are some of the findings..

First thing I realize about myself is that I am very weird person. The problem is that there is no coordination between the feelings of my heart and my facial expression. My face do not convey the right things. But that does not mean my face always works in reverse gear. Now this is weirdness. It is something like tears in Hindi movies - dhukh ho ya khushi dono main aansu behte hain. I am still trying out to solve this issue.

I am an emotional person and also egoistic. One day my senior made some negative comments about my communication skills. I abused him and never spoken to him. One line can make me feel bad. It is not anger but ego. How could a person say to me like that. My father did for once and I stopped talking to him for 3-4 days. Finally he had to broke the ice.

I do not believe in God but I respect my religion and values of my family. My father told me not to go a temple unless you are fresh and I follow religiously. 

I believe in love and for me it is the most sacred thing in this world. For me God is love. I love my parents and therefore they are GOD for me. I love my sister and brother and they are that part of my heart where God used to live. There is only one girl which I love the most apart from family. She is in my heart for the last 5 years. I know I am coward because I could not tell her that I love her but the fact remains same that I was afraid to loose her. I cannot forget her. I never looked to any other girl in this world with same feelings. I never get attracted (except for some stars especially Deepika) towards any other girl because my heart never gave me the permission to do so. I still love her a lot.

I usually do not have long list of friends. I make few friends but very good friends. I never call them best friends because they are always greater than best friends almost like my brothers and sisters. It made me proud to have such friends. They are my Raazdaar and begaraz mera yaar.

I always tried to help my friends. I did it recently for my best friends. But still I have apprehensions. I don't know whether I did the right thing or not. Sometimes I feel guilty that I have no right to interfere in their friendship. I don't know. 

Whenever I met these two people I have two kinds of feelings. First - ooh! I did a good job. Both are smiling again. 

Second - O0h! What I did? I am such a fool? Am I worsening the situation? They might be thinking negative about me. 

I know you people don't know the story behind it and I cannot disclose it but still you can understand the human nature residing in me - a confuse person.

I am writing all these things on my blog because there are so many things buried in my heart that it started ruining me. I need someone to whom I can share all these things and the best friend I could find is my blog.